A few years ago, a male patient visited us one day. Nothing unusual except that I saw some bruises on his face here and there. “How did you get them?” I asked him. “They came from my wife…,” he responded. Oh, we have come to live in an age when a female hits a male, I thought. This morning, a TV program was presenting the topic of violent wives, too. So, I thought of considering this problem from the viewpoint of oriental medicine.
Oriental medicine puts everything in the Yin and Yang perspectives. To put it more simply, or to give a specific instance, women are on the Yin side, men on the Yang. This can be seen in the form of their reproductive organs, too. As Yang represents “heat,” “motion,” “rise,” and “light,” Yin stands for “cold,” “still,” “fall,” and “dark,” for example.
From this perspective, the state of violence, which is caused from agitation and rush of blood to the head, can be described as a Yang symptom. Yin and Yang are symptoms of relativity and can be observed only on the basis of comparison between the two, meaning one who acts with violence and the other who faces the violence. It would not to too wide of the mark to presume that the husband who gets violence from his wife is a quiet and Yin type of person, for few will act violently against those who may or might strike back with twice as much violence in retaliation.
I have met with a female patient coming to me saying, “As my period comes near, I often lose control over myself even to such an extent that I seriously consider divorce…” Most of such people look mild-mannered and gentle on the outside. When the period is approaching, the physical condition gets into the Yang state and often gives rise to irritability. The patient who thought of divorce escaped the crisis without taking medicines. This convinced me that acupuncture treatment serves the peace between spouses, too.
Speaking about the violence committed by wives, there seem to be various backgrounds.
But it can be said that one factor is such wives are often frustrated by their tame husbands who fail to “comprehend” how they feel, who tend to produce a gloomy atmosphere, and who are not able to communicate well. In other words, men who are a Yin type of character. In fact, however, these males are, in the depth of their minds and hearts, are literally “regretting” that they have not and are not treating their
spouses fairly enough. These men really are kind-hearted individuals. The problem is it is impossible for an outsider to help extricate the wife and husband from the negative effect of their Yin-Yang relationship.
There is, however, one way to escape from the hard plight. I may call it a change of the vector, so to speak. The violent wife who is in a state of Yang could disperse and dissipate her frustration by, for example, taking a walk, chatting with friends, singing songs, or trying to write, or whatever will release her irrepressible discontent.
On the other hand, the tame husband, who is usually kind-hearted and equipped with maternal instinct, should turn his attention toward keeping animals (killifish is recommendable for the healing effect), or helping other people. This may not bring about complete solution, but it should be remembered that most of these problems are caused from lack of mutual communication, typically between husband and wife. In my personal opinion, nothing would make us happier than being able to exchange frank thoughts and communicate with other people.
I would like to conclude by asserting that today more and more people are losing this humanistic talent of establishing rapport among one another, which is a very serious problem.
At a recent workshop, I was asked by some fellow acupuncturists how I would or should talk to people suffering from psychiatric problems. I responded by saying it was a difficult question to answer because each and every case was different. Maybe spontaneous utterances at such encounters are something quite honest and frank. I myself have no idea at all what I would or should say.
In fact, an increasing number of patients who sustain a variety of mental pain are knocking at my door these days. Their problems are categorized by medical specialists under such denominations as “obsessional neurosis,” “panic disorder,” “psychosomatic disorder,” or “depressive psychosis.” (I cannot help but wonder if such categorization is really needed or appropriate, by the way.) All are intractable but demand proper treatment, of course.
I have read and am reading various books about these problems, but the most impressive message that has caught my attention is by Mr. Hayao Kawai, a noted clinical psychologist. At an interview he said, “We should not think too much. We just go and face a situation where we must say something. Then, proper words come out that depend on the situation….” I was extremely delighted at this remark by him, and I completely agreed with it. I seldom or never contemplate in advance (because I cannot) what to say to any particular patient at an upcoming meeting. Mr. Kawai’s words put my mind at ease.
Each and every patient has different characters and personalities and lives in different environments even though he or she happens to suffer from a disorder under the same category. His or her mind-set and emotions change from moment to moment. So, what I say spontaneously at the moment we meet is the best and the most natural response toward the patient, no matter who I am talking to, patient or no patient.
At the same time, however, I have something that I think I must tell my patients, too. When I’m doing some thinking, I feel as if I were reading something or talking with some people. Plenty of hints and information help me enhance and promote my thinking process. When I am by myself, taking a walk for example, what I see and watch affects my thought, as they do that of a child, whether they are of any use or no use.
The patients diagnosed with “panic disorder” or some other psychological problems seem to have one thing in common with each other. That is a lack of equilibrium between the state of the mind and that of the heart. Putting it in other words, between what they think with their brains and how they feel with their heart.
Their heart may not be able to keep up with the excess of their thought. Your heart may be yearning to “admire” the beauty of a flower as it presents itself to your eyes. Watching Nature as it presents itself makes us feel happy and contented. Watching the blue sky, for example, and seeing how beautiful it is, altering its outlook from moment to moment.
Most of us have a propensity for reminiscing about unpleasant happenings of the past, or anxiety about the future. But why not treasure our intuitive feeling toward the beauty you see now at present, instead? Which I think is one of the best ways to regain proper mental balance.
It might be a very good idea to give a little rest your thinking mind and give yourself up to the intuitive feeling toward the “now.” Why not try to feel the beauty you see as it is here and now?
